Lately I seem to be feeling well, restless, I suppose is the best way to define my feelings toward life in general at the moment and probably teaching in particular – but even there I am not too sure!
I am not getting the same sort of satisfaction from my teaching jobs but then I don’t really know what else I would want to pursue either.
Also, I am really beginning to feel I don’t have any time for the things that really matter to me. Yes, I have my wonderful boy Alphie but between my job and Alphie I never really seem to have time for “Me”!
I don’t think that is being selfish particularly because I believe that if I am not happy and/or satisfied myself that there will come a time when I become a less than good parent. I cannot ever imagine myself resenting Alphie but I suppose that is possible.
Most times (to be honest nearly every time) when I come home all I want to do pass out, or more often make dinner, eat then pass out!
I really am beginning to feel stuck, well and truly stuck in life. I am more or less becoming convinced that I am locked into the trap of working to live and having to live to work.
Yes – I keep saying to myself “this week will be different – I will make a point of putting some time aside for me; you know thinking, planning and doing” but it always seems to turn out the same – either work or something involving Alphie grabs my attention away!
I am motivated (at that time) to do something, I am determined to find that time, to make those plans – then just as quickly the feelings of inaction and disappointment take over. In other words my creative spark sputters out well and truly.
What do I do – I feel totally overwhelmed by everything lately?
I have come up with one idea – I am going to make the time to undertake – Making a list of things I am passionate about!
I need to keep reminding myself that if I don’t find time to discover, and pursue, my passion while becoming creative at my current job – both Alphie and I will be the big losers!